A life lived
by Charlie.aus
Summary: There was once a time when I could look in the mirror and not cry. However, that time has long since passed...' Helen and her reflections on her life, John, Little Gregory, Her medical degree, Ashlee. Major John/Helen :- !not for young kids-nothing rude!


_Okay the longest story I have so please review, I need help with longer stories. _

_Also this is unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine until I can fix them._

_For purpose of this story John's full name is; John Ashlee Druitt and Helen's Mums name is; Maree Judith Magnus_

_Hope you enjoy :-)_

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There was once a time when I could look in the mirror and not cry. However, that time has long since passed and I have resigned myself to a life of heartbroken reflections and memories. It is when I close my eyes that I can still feel John's arms incase my smaller frame. It is during these moments that I feel myself again. I was a young lady when John and I first met. We were both youthful, careless and in love. We were engaged for five years. Yes a long time and not common practice for that era - though we were not common people either.

I desired to graduate from Oxford before marrying and John respected me enough to wait. However, the fates had other plans for us. When we John and I discovered of my pregnancy we started to feel the pressure of time. There was still another month maybe two, if we pushed it, to pretend it was a premature birth - though it was only a week later that my father disappeared. To the law and the society around us I did not exist as a person as I had no male relatives.

It had only ever been my father and I. It was by the end of that month that John and I married. To everyone around us it was perfect timing John was now my owner (he never did treat as property) and a month later I was pregnant. As part of The Five I had to be extremely careful during the first stages of my pregnancy. I had never known true bliss like what I experienced for the first six months of my marriage. John was a doting husband, great friend, wonderful rival and supportive founder. He held back my golden hair as the morning sickness wreaked havoc on my body. There were always ginger biscuits next to our bed in the morning and a glass of water there before we went to bed. To us this was perfection.

John was working in the research and analysis section of the government and I was slowly making way with my requests to be a sanctioned doctor. Thinking back now – it was too perfect. Then one fine day, perfection left us.

It started out as any other day had, John woke me with soft kisses along my jaw line down to our baby. Then he would run the bath for me and prepare breakfast for when I finished - he was always a loving husband. Then we would walk out of the house hand in hand until we reached the section in the road where our paths forked. Only this morning we did not part, instead John pulled me in closer and walked me to Oxford. We planned on seeing Watson for another update our precious child. It was at the entrance to his office that the first trickle of blood made its presence known. What happened in those following moments I have never discovered – both John and Watson swore an oath never to talk about it again. Gregory William Druitt, born August 22 1891, was never presented with the opportunity to open his eyes, speak a cry or hold his parents fingers. We buried him next to my mother.

John and I grieved together for the child we never got to know, we grieved for the innocence lost and grieved for the children we may never have. It was dark times for both us and we never completely recovered. Still to this day, nearly 200 years later, I find myself crying for little Gregory. Somehow life continued to move on and soon I found myself pregnant again. At the time I had no idea what to do – tell John or not, keep it or not. There were some many more factors and concerns with this pregnancy. In the end I told John, I had always planned on telling him. However, he seemed to know something was wrong, he knew that something was plaguing my heart and I knew that something was plaguing his. It was that knowledge that made us both realise that we could raise a family.

It was harder this time to be pregnant and trying to achieve some recognition in the medical society. There was a renewal a fear and thought that women were simply prey and possession of men. Prostitutes were being murdered in horrendous fashion and no one knew how or why. Ironically – which I only discovered later – it was because of the ripper case that I received my medical degree. After the second victim was discovered many believed that they were cursed and no doctor would perform an autopsy. In the end I was the only one who would go near the poor souls.

So much was gained and lost with that case. Watson gained his reputation, I gained my medical degree and doctorate, Watson lost his best friend, I lost my husband, our child lost her father. I still remember standing in the alleyway praying to any deity that John would not appear out of nowhere as he always had. I remember my heart stopping when he did and breaking as he grabbed the woman and cutting he throat. Then I remember my soul shattering as I fired the gun just a moment too late.

It was a month after John's 'death' that Watson invented the machine to preserve my child. We both knew that the life she would be born into would be no life at all. Though technically a widower, I would still be an independent mother who had a higher intelligence and life expectancy than anyone else known to man (outside of The Five). So we froze my little girl in hope of a better life.

I continued live while my friends died and the world around me altered. I saw war then peace then war and then peace again so many times it did not even bother me anymore. While living my long life I constantly thought about my son who never lived, my husband who had died and my daughter who still needed to live. So many nights I cried myself to sleep knowing that in morning John still wouldn't be there.

Then Ashlee Maree Magnus was born on the 2nd April 1984 and my nights were filled with her crying rather than mine. Raising Ashlee and seeing her grow into the woman she's becoming has been one the highlights of my life. There is so much of John in her that at times I cry for her but then I realize I am crying for the father she never got to know.

Now here I stand in front of mirror staring at my reflection trying to remember moments in my life. Moments that brings both the ecstasy and depression that has plagued me. Once again I start to weep – I weep for everything that has happened. Mostly I weep for John, I know he is back and that he has changed, he proved it saving Ashlee from Dana. Only for some reason he never touches me anymore and I cannot remember his touch. It is then that I feel his arms snake around me and pull me close. I know this time it is real because I have my eyes wide open and his voice is calling to me. Yes, John was back – my husband, my lover, my friend and my children's father. However, we both know that it is only for awhile. Soon the fates will decide to change their plans and again we will be faced with a fork in the road where our paths differ. Though, for now we can be together – we can be husband and wife.


End file.
